Hi, I'm E. And I'm Depressed

I wanted my first post to represent exactly why I created this blog. I've spent such a long time fighting with my own demons and not knowing how to handle my situation that I think I've made things worse for myself. So today I'm putting a stop to that. 

I need to admit that I am drowning in my own little way, and that I need to try and help myself as best I can while also fighting with the shame and embarrassment of admitting that I am depressed. The world may seem to be moving on in the way they deal with mental health, but the stigma around it is still just as terrifying as it has always been, and I know that I'm not ready to actually admit how I feel to the people around me. So instead, I'm writing a blog. 

I have days where I feel absolutely fine. I don't wake up every day with this weight on my shoulders and sit in a corner crying. I could go hours without even thinking a single bad thought. In fact, I often shrugged my dark feelings off as just being 'normal' and that everyone sometimes feels like that. But the truth is, not everyone feels like this. Because no two people will ever feel the same about a situation. No two people will ever deal with one situation in the same way. You and your own person, and how your body and your mind deals with that is something that only you know. 

For me, being lonely is the number one way I fall into my 'dark hole' for lack of a better term. When I have people around me I'm okay, because I keep myself distracted and they keep me uplifted. But once I am alone, I fall into a really dark headspace and it's incredibly difficult to get myself out of it.

I suppose I wanted to create this blog as a place for myself to air my thoughts, offload that weight that often pushes me down, and speak out about mental health and the struggle that I believe we all go through at some point in our lives. I'm depressed, and it's time I admit that to myself and start my journey to a healthier mind again. Because if I don't, I'm worried it's going to be the only characteristic about myself I have left.

Love, E x